No one ever talks about the struggle of having small boobs. All I ever see is “They’re always in the way, I swear I can never do anything #bigboobproblems”
Please, I wish. I’ve never been a well endowed woman and that’s never been a problem until I’m met with someone who is both chesty and complaining. I could go on all day about the struggles of not being blessed with a chest but, to spare you I’ll break this down to my top eight.
8. Bathing Suits. You know when you see eleven year old girls at the beach and think to yourself that it’s really cute that they got their first bikini. This same look is not nearly as cute when you’re thirty.
7. Towels. I have never in my life been able to hold up a towel hands free when I get out of the shower.
6. Bra shopping. Every woman has that one special item of clothing they shop for that will inevitably make them break down and cry in the dressing room, and then go get ice cream. Bras are my Everest, because of my lack of mountain. I’m not an A cup, but not quite a B either. Why are half cup sizes not a thing?
5. Never filling out a dress. They’re right in the waist but loose in the chest. Or fine in the chest but just plain wrong everywhere else. A lot of dresses make it look like my stomach sticks out farther than my boobs do, which leads to more ice cream and crying.
4. Sports bras. Yes, us small-breasted ladies still need them and they compress our boobs to a nearly concave status. But it hurts us to run without them just like everyone else. Especially after all the ice cream.
3. The unavoidable under-wire. Can’t live without it. Also, I’ve always prided myself on being an honest person but bras make me a straight up liar. With the space age technology that goes into me having a believable chest, I’m never able to just get one of the cheap flimsy bras. If you ever see me filling out a shirt, know that it’s all smoke and mirrors.
2. “You can have mine.” The immediate rebuttal every time I mention this to anyone that actually has a pair. My complaint here is not the statement. It’s that no one has followed through with this promise.
1. The look of disappoint on a man’s face when I take off my bra. Dude, I warned you. Smoke and mirrors my friend. Smoke and mirrors.