Desperately Seeking Stability

These words are made out of scraps of paper.

Fragmented ideas stuck to a steering wheel that I am not in control of.

There’s a chemical imbalance in the driver’s seat and I believe she is about to go off roading

 

I exist in a bracket. In the space between Adderall and Lamotrigine.

I am a bowling ball bouncing off the gutter bumpers.

Some days I’m recklessly hurled down the alley.

Other days I believe I am in control

                                           That is a lie

But who am I today?

 

Highly medicated to achieve normality.

 

This one makes me level… and gives me a headache.

This one helps me focus… and makes me nauseous.

This one lets me sleep… and makes me anxious.

This one stops the crying… and makes me itchy.

 

My mind off leash will either pour forth beautiful creativity or kill me.

And today she is a ravenous dog, barking and choking at the end of her chain.

I’ve only ever tried to be her friend and never known why she treats

me like I stole her favourite toy.

But I will clean the blood off my knuckles after another internal defeat. And rest before it starts again.

Because tomorrow is a new me.

 

 

 

 

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