A guide to being a responsible functioning adult.

Step One: Shirk all responsibilities. Step Two: Tell yourself that you're not going to blow off your responsibilities. You're just going to do them tomorrow. Step Three: Don't do them tomorrow. Step Four: Make excuses. Step Five: While reviewing your to-do list, curl up into the fetal position and cry. It’s recommended to have a … Continue reading A guide to being a responsible functioning adult.

For My Thirtieth Birthday

This is a eulogy For My Twenties. She was a great girl. She was dearly beloved by bartenders, cab drivers and coat check girls all throughout the clubs. She was a crazy ex-girlfriend and constant drinking companion. She was young and wild and full of squandered potential. Join me today as we say goodbye to … Continue reading For My Thirtieth Birthday